I think the awkward "swoon" naming may have less to do with NoA's infamous content policies and more to do with struggling to find something in English that's both brief and reasonably true to せんとうふのう, which quite literally translates to "incapable of combat".

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect directly (rather than through damage), the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: Summary data is grayed out.

Appearance: Characters appear dead, with 0 HP. Monsters are removed from the display.

Effects: Cannot act, and is not a valid target except for effects that remove the status. Counts as dead for determining "game over". This status will remove all other statuses except Toad, Minikin, Pig, Darkness, Silence, and Levitate.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: icon

Appearance: Characters appear to be made of stone. Monsters are removed from the display and treated as Incapacitated.

Effects: Cannot act, and is not a valid target except for effects that remove the status. Counts as dead for determining "game over". This status will remove all other statuses except Toad, Minikin, Pig, Darkness, Silence, and Levitate.

かえる (蛙 in kanji) more typically translates to "frog", but the difference hardly matters in this context, and Japanese doesn't seem to draw a clear distinction between them anyway. Since the related spell is phonetically "toad", I'm mostly sticking with that.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: icon. Character portrait and map sprite also change to toads.

Appearance: Looks like a small amphibian.

Effects: Disables the Summon, Darkness, Jump, Remember, Aim, Charge, Kick, Endure, Pair Casting, Bravado, Feign Tears, Cover, Examine, Throw, Steal, Ninjutsu, and Spirit Wave commands, as well as all magic (including monster skills) other than Toad. Additionally, attack is set to 1, defense, evade, and MEvdX are all set to 0, and anyone attacking a target with Toad status has their effective attack power doubled.

Notes: White Magic users can still cast Esuna, but only outside of battle.

There are a number of different ways you could translate this. The most literal one is "small person". I'd like to use "Tiny", but that doesn't work since there's an actual race of these (along with Toads and Pigs), and "Dwarf" doesn't work either since there are dwarves elsewhere in the game that are distinctly different. "Minikin", although (or perhaps because) it's an obscure word, doesn't seem to have any iffy connotations, has an obvious connection to smallness (if only by coincidence; the word is derived from a Dutch term roughly meaning "darling"), and it even sounds (at least to my ear) like a fantasy race of creatures.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: icon. Character portrait and map sprite also change to very small people.

Appearance: Looks like a doll.

Effects: Disables the Aim, Charge, Kick, Endure, Pair Casting, Bravado, Feign Tears, Cover, Examine, Throw, and Spirit Wave commands. Additionally, attack is set to 1, defense and evade are set to 0, and anyone attacking a target with Minikin status has their effective attack power doubled.

Notes: Minikin can bet set on top of Toad, ignoring priority, outside of battle only.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: icon. Character portrait and map sprite also change to pigs.

Appearance: Looks like a pig.

Effects: Disables the Summon, Darkness, Remember, Aim, Charge, Kick, Endure, Pair Casting, Bravado, Feign Tears, Examine, and Spirit Wave commands, and all magic (including monster skills) other than Porky.

Notes: White Magic users can still cast Esuna, but only outside of battle. Pig can bet set on top of Minikin or Toad, ignoring priority, outside of battle only.

Also note that Pig has little or no negative effect on most characters who aren't casters. Since it also prevents many lower-priority status effects, including several that are much more problematic, it's arguably a positive status for some characters.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: icon.

Appearance: Blank speech bubble over character.

Effects: Disables White Magic, Black Magic, Summon, Remember, Sing, Pair Casting, and Ninjutsu. No effect on abilities classified as monster magic.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: icon.

Appearance: Dark mask over character's eyes.

Effects: Halves effective hit rate and evade, and also halves effective MHit except for abilities classified as monster magic.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Menu Indicator: icon.

Appearance: Sickly purple skin tone.

Effects: Periodically inflicts damage equal to 1/8 of maximum HP. Also disables Yang's Charge command.

Outside of combat, affected players lose 1 HP per step taken (down to a minimum of 1 remaining HP). All Poisoned characters also lose 42 HP (again, down to a minimum of 1 remaining HP) if Teleport is cast; presumably it's counted as taking steps when the party spins around.

Notes: Higher stamina slows the frequency. Haste and similar effects accelerate the effect, while Slow and similar effects delay it. Poison ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present.

When Poison inflicts damage during combat, the following message displays:

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Appearance: Floating skull over character.

Effects: Attack and defense are halved.

Notes: Wears off after battle.

A message technically exists for inflicting this status effect on attack, but considering that this never happens, it unsurprisingly goes unused:

Menu Indicator: icon.

Appearance: Hovering.

Effects: Avoids all damage from Quake spells (in combat) and damaging floors (in caves, etc.). Also disables Yang's Kick command.

Notes: Wears off upon changing areas, or after battle on the world map. Levitate ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Appearance: An energy field surrounds the character.

Effects: Can't act until the status is cured or wears off.

Notes: Wears off more quickly with higher spirit. Haste also speeds recovery, while Slow delays it. Wears off regardless after combat.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Appearance: Sleep bubble over character.

Effects: Can't act until the status is cured or wears off. Prevents Paralysis.

Notes: Wears off more quickly with higher spirit. Haste also speeds recovery, while Slow delays it. Wears off regardless after combat.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Appearance: Swirling animation over character's head, character turns to face allies.

Effects: Uncontrollable. Characters attack or use White Magic or Black Magic, targeting allies instead of enemies and vice versa. Monsters follow a special "confused" AI script that usually, but not always, involves attacking the monsters. Wears off after combat or when hit physically.

狂戦士 (literally "crazed fighter") in kanji, an alternate Japanese term for バーサーカー (berserker).

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Appearance: As usual, but uncontrollable.

Effects: Uncontrollable. Automatically attacks every turn, with a 50% bonus to attack power.

Notes: Wears off after combat.

I refer to this as "Gradual Petrification (2/3)" to distinguish it from the (1/3) version.

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

Appearance: Character appears to be mostly made of stone.

Effects: Progresses to Stone status in time, or after any attack that successfully inflicts any Gradual Petrification effect.

Notes: Higher stamina slows the automatic change. Slow also delays worsening, while Haste speeds it. Gradual Petrification ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.

No name listed in the Japanese version, and the English version looks like a text glitch. I refer to this as "Gradual Petrification (1/3)".

When a physical attack inflicts this status effect, the following message displays:

The message is the same as the above status, but it's stored as a separate line.

Appearance: Character appears to be partially made of stone.

Effects: Progresses to Gradual Petrification (2/3) status in time, or after any attack that successfully inflicts Gradual Petrification (1/3). A Gradual Petrification (2/3) attack presumably takes it straight to Stone.

Notes: Higher stamina slows the automatic change. Slow also delays worsening, while Haste speeds it. Gradual Petrification ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.

No actual name given.

Appearance: Same as Paralysis.

Effects: Cannot act, and counts as dead for determining "game over".

Notes: This is caused by wearing any equipment flagged as "metal" in the Magnetic Cave, until the source of the effect is nullified. It also ignores priority.

Appearance: Unmoving.

Effects: Can't act until the status wears off. This also halts timers for other effects, though that part is somewhat buggy.

Notes: Haste causes Stop to wear off more quickly, while Slow prolongs it. Stop ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.

Monsters that appear as eggs start combat with permanent Stop status and an alternate name and appearance, which are removed (via counterattack script) after taking damage. They won't do anything until you hit them, so feel free to take advantage of that to heal, buff, etc.

Appearance: Timer over head.

Effects: Inflicts Incapacitated status when the timer runs out, ignoring immunities.

Notes: Haste and Slow have absolutely no effect on Death Sentence, except in as much as they allow you to take more or fewer actions before the countdown expires. Death Sentence ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.

No actual name given.

Appearance: HP decreases on its own.

Effects: Rapidly lose 2 HP at a time until the effect wears off. This happens fairly quickly, keeping the total damage low.

Notes: Haste causes Slip to wear off more quickly (reducing total damage), while Slow prolongs it. Slip ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.

Though uncommon, Slip can result in incapacitation by HP loss. A rarely-seen special message displays if this happens.

Appearance: Floating shield reflects magic.

Effects: Reflects reflectable magic to the opposing side.

Notes: Haste causes Reflect to wear off more quickly, while Slow prolongs it. Reflect ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.

Appearance: None

Effects: All physical attacks against this target automatically miss.

Notes: Only the Lunar Curtain sets this status, and only Dispel, Black Hole, Dimensional Distortion, and the end of combat can remove it. Barrier ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present.

Note that no enemy uses Dispel, and only Zeromus uses Black Hole or Dimensional Distortion. Against any other monster, a Lunar Curtain makes you immune to physical attacks for the rest of the battle, and there's nothing they can do about it. Just be careful not to reflect the item effect!

No actual name given.

Appearance: Two flickering images appear behind the character.

Effects: Completely avoids the next physical attack, then becomes Decoy (1).

Notes: Decoy (2) ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.

No actual name given.

Appearance: A flickering image appears behind the character.

Effects: Completely avoids the next physical attack, then is removed.

Notes: Decoy (1) ignores priority and can be set even if higher-priority status effects (except Incapacitated or Stone) are already present. Wears off after combat.